Editor’s note: Our very own Shannon is headed to reality TV! I asked her to share some pre-trip emotions and insight on the blog. Don’t you worry, there will be a post-trip post too. Stay tuned.
A few weeks ago, I very expertly and professionally won an 11-day trip on a show that airs on the Travel Channel. I realize now that I am full of wisdom that I feel is my duty, nay, my honor to share with the general public. So before I become the biggest F-Lister you’ve never heard of and start making prestigious celebrity appearances on all of the bottom ranked cable network shows, allow me to tell you how you too may one day become a huge winner and an almost-but-not-really celebrity.
1) Don’t read anything about casting notices. Just let a friend or significant other casually mention it mere hours before the show will be there.
2) Don’t overthink the answers on the questionnaire. In fact, point out a typo or two. (No seriously, I did that.)
3) Go in with a “no one ever wins these things” attitude. I can’t stress this enough. The less you think you’re right for it (apparently), the more right you ACTUALLY are for it.
(Note: this feeling has to be genuine. If you are faking it, producers know. I don’t know how they know, but I know they MUST know.)
4) Tell the host of the show how you’re a nut case who fears that sharks will eat them in swimming pools. Because crazy always looks good on camera.
5) Blindly agree to anything they throw at you. Hypotheticals are VERY easy to agree with. For example:
“SURE, I’d love swimming in a tank of hungry great white sharks!” “I’ve never tried BASE jumping, but it’s not THAT unsafe, right?” “Uh, who WOULDN’T be up for a solo rafting trip to Cuba??”
These are all excellent answers.
6) Whatever you do, DON’T worry about having to take days off from work. That just ruins #3 and #5. Deal with that when the panic of winning sets in.
7) Win. This is perhaps the most important step on the list. In fact, ALL of the other steps will become null, void, irrelevant and stupid if you don’t actually win.
So there you have it. If you follow this guide, you too can be jet-setting off to I-STILL-don’t-know-where (and I leave tomorrow). But who said you have to know what adventure you’re getting in to? As long as you have stalked the Internet to make sure the show is real and not an elaborate plan to sell you into slave labor overseas (which I have), YOU’LL BE FINE!
Oh, but always keep your passport up to date, because you never know when 1) it will come in handy and 2) the horrible picture will come back to haunt you.
So, future fancy-pants jet-setters, when I return I’ll regale you with tales of the (hopefully) fancy place(s) I visited and (maybe) interesting stories of me (fingers crossed) not dying. Until then, go forth and win not just A trip, but ALL of them.