The iPhone 5: Love-its and Let Downs

By Katie Parsons


Larger 4” screen: I can think of no other scenario in which an extra inch would send the blogosphere into such a tizzy. An extra inch on my TV? Pleeeease, like I need to see any more of Kim Kardashian. But an additional inch on my iPhone screen? Oh the places my thumb and forefinger will be able to go! The distance I’ll be able to launch my Angry Birds!

Thinner: A few Zumba classes with the Apple engineering team, and the new iPhone steps out with a much slimmer figure. Weighing in at 20% lighter and 18% thinner, the iPhone 5 promises instant relief to those of us you who have dropped our your phones on our your faces when we you doze off while browsing at night…

Better camera: Instagrammers rejoice! The iPhone 5 boasts a new dynamic low-light photo mode, noise reduction, and a smart filter. These will ensure that fewer amateur photographers (like moi) will be plaguing their Facebook followers with dark and blurry concert photos that render the band they’re actually seeing unrecognizable.

LTE: I’m not going to lie, I have no idea what LTE is. But I know that compatibility with 4G LTE networks makes for a much faster browsing experience, which makes for a much happier me.

New dock connector: I am personally looking forward to cutting down on the number of times I’m fumbling around in the dark trying to connect that huge charger connector. Then again, all my existing connectors will now no longer work, which means buying new car and backup chargers. It seems the Apple execs fancy a trip to St. Bart’s on my dime. I suppose I can just enjoy a pic of St. Bart’s on my new larger screen…


Well, all the Apple rumor blogs hit most of these things on the head weeks ago, so I can’t say I’m too disappointed with anything. Except for the following:

Cannot foresee the best Fantasy Football team for me to select

No capability to julienne anything

Does not sprout arms and legs to robotically teach me how to dance Gangnam Style

…Weren’t there supposed to be holograms by now?clip_image001Fake photo of the announcement today courtesy of Fun Fun Fun Fest.

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